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Little Sheet Metal Co
January 17, 2015Free
I’ve opened a door here that I regret. Guy’s a pro. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. I’m half machine. I’m a monster.
That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you. Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun. Whoa, this guy’s straight? Marry me. Guy’s a pro. No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.
Ten percent of nothin’ is … let me do the math here … nothin’ into nothin’ … carry the nothin’ … I cannot abide useless people. You know what the chain of command is? It’s the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who’s in ruttin charge here. Man walks down the street in a hat like that, you know he’s not afraid of anything. Mercy is the mark of a great man. Guess I’m just a good man. Well, I’m all right. Also? I can kill you with my brain. Am I a lion? I don’t think of myself as a lion. You might as well, though, I have a mighty roar. Course you couldn’t buy an invite with a diamond the size of a testicle, but I got my hands on a couple.
Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction. We live in a spaceship, dear. Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature. Ten percent of nothin’ is … let me do the math here … nothin’ into nothin’ … carry the nothin’ … Jayne, your mouth is talking. You might wanna look to that. Am I a lion? I don’t think of myself as a lion. You might as well, though, I have a mighty roar. First rule of battle, little one … don’t ever let them know where you are… WHOO-HOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo! … ‘Course, there’re other schools of thought. Yes sir, Captain Tightpants! Every man there go back inside or we will blow a new crater in this little moon. I’ve been under fire before. Well … I’ve been in a fire. Actually, I was fired. I can handle myself. Well, my time of not taking you seriously is coming to a middle.